OK, putting ads on my site was worth it just for this

As you’ve probably noticed, I’ve been running Google ads on my website for the better part of two years now. I do feel like a bit of a tool, but hey, it’s earned me a whopping $114 in cold hard cash so far. (OK, maybe that’s revealing too much about my low readership selective appeal.) But it was all worth it just to discover an ad for DopeKitz.com appearing on one of my music pages.

Now, the ad features some animation which is apparently JavaScript-driven from Google ads, because when I tried to save it to repost here, it was a JPEG (and if anyone out there has ever heard of an animated JPEG before, please let me know). So I’ll just have to recount the experience for you as best I can.

First, it says, in an EXTREME font (both distressed and metallic — a winning combination):


And then, in an even MORE EXTREME font (with randomly-sized, overlapping letters):


Followed by an explosion of EXTREMENESS mixing multiple distressed fonts, and with a tantalizing sample of the mangled grammar to follow:


This then changes to the final frame, a still shot of the URL in bold black text: www.DOPEKITZ.com over a picture of a row of woofers.

Clicking the link takes you, of course, to DopeKitz.com, a place where design is alternately excessive or non-existent, and where the only apostrophes are in places where they don’t belong! A place that implores you to “Find out what some of the industrys Hottest producers Have already discovered.” (Yes, all apostrophes are optional and all H-words are capitalized.)

Don’t miss such outstanding products as “Killer Klapz 1 & 2” and “Monsta Drumz,” although my personal favorite is “Screwed Voicez.”

Whatever you do, just remember: “Dont Waste your DOE.”

(Incidentally I believe that was the only instance on the entire page of correct use of “your/you’re”; fortunately they’ve tempered it with errors in every other word in the sentence.)

Top 5 Sandwich Places

5. Subway
OK, there’s really nothing that great about Subway, but at least you know what you’re getting. But really, Subway’s only worth going to if the following four places are all closed!
4. D. Brian’s
Notable for “Downtown’s Largest Half Sandwich”… only newbies and true chumps order the $1.50 extra full sandwich, as the “half” is really just full-size bread with one edge of the crust cut off! The service can be apathetic and/or tyrannical… but it can be worth it.
3. Quizno’s
They may be overpriced, but… “THEY GOT A PEPPER BAR!!!!” Enough said.
2. Jimmy John’s
Alas, poor Jimmy John’s. Bumped from your all-too-brief (but, in its time, rock-solid) position at #1 by…
1. Potbelly Sandwich Works
Even though SLP habitually refers to it as “Pork Barrel,” it is in fact the best and cheapest sandwich around. My favorite is the “Wreck,” and hot peppers are a must! And be sure to keep your eyes open for live music being performed in the “hay loft.”