Category Archives: Video Games

QWOP

This the most utterly stupid thing I have seen in a long time, and so of course I am borderline obsessed with it.

Basically what you have here is a Flash game where you’re supposed to be running the 100m dash, but the physics and controls are terrible. I’m guessing the game was an experiment that failed, but it failed so comically that it became a strange kind of success.

Speaking of success, I have managed to develop a technique with the game that is somewhat successful, enough so that I was able to achieve a record distance of 13.8 meters. (The fact that the score is kept in distance, not time, is your first clue that something is amiss here.)

Think you can beat it? Give it a try.

My secret is that I gave up on trying to run for real. Basically I keep one leg out in front and just inch the trailing leg up far enough to gain ground without tipping over backwards. Start by holding down W and O simultaneously until you’ve moved as far forward as one stride will take you, then tap Q and P simultaneously a bit to move the back leg forward, but not so much that you teeter backwards. Then repeat holding W and O, tapping Q and P, etc. It’s still not easy, but forward movement is possible, and with it comes a strange, pathetic sense of accomplishment. I still haven’t gotten enough momentum going to hear more than the first couple of notes of what I assume is “Chariots of Fire,” though.

And now back to our usual inanity

If you’re getting tired of my political rants, my dissing of Sarah Palin, my man-crush on Barack Obama, then welcome back to business as usual here at room34.com.

Three words: Ho. Ly. Crap. Although I played my fair share of Super Mario Bros. in the late ’80s, I was too old for the Saturday morning cartoons. But now my son isn’t, and they’re selling them on DVD at Target.

I always enjoyed the little quasi-calypso ditty that accompanied Mario’s journeys in the Mushroom Kingdom, but until now I never realized there were words.

Do the Mario!
Swing your arms
From side to side
Come on it’s time to go!
Do the Mario!

Take one step
And then again
Let’s do the Mario!
All together now!

You got it!
It’s the Mario!

Do the Mario!
Swing your arms
From side to side
Come on it’s time to go!
Do the Mario!

Take one step
And then again
Let’s do the Mario!
All together now!

Come on now!
Juuuust like thaaaaat!

Presenting the most perverse (and brilliant) use of modern technology…

…in that it perfectly simulates ridiculously outdated technology.

Granted, if you weren’t a kid in the late ’70s or early ’80s, you probably aren’t interested in LED Football for the iPhone. But I had one of those old Mattel LED football games and, for some reason, I loved it. And I also love the developer’s sense of humor in the game description*:

Reach the end zone and you will hear the sweet sound of victory beeps. TOUCHDOWN! This is electronic sports at its best…. See the LED display, so bright and hi-tech.

*But I do not love the fact that iTunes doesn’t let you copy and paste description text. Boo!

iPokédex updated

I’ve just added some updates to the iPokédex today, inspired (as was the iPokédex) itself by questions my son asked that I couldn’t answer.

The search page now offers a “special evolution conditions” dropdown menu, allowing you to see at a glance all of the various special evolution conditions that exist and, with a click, get a list of the Pokémon affected. (So now he knows which Pokémon evolve with Thunderstone.)

I also added a link to a handy battle chart on the “sources” page, although I would like to add a direct capability to select a type (or click the type on the Pokémon’s detail page) and instantly see all of the details about that type’s strengths and weaknesses. That’ll be version 1.3.

The iPokédex is here!

iPokédexYes, I am into Pokémon. Way more than any 34-year-old could possibly justify. At least I have a kid I can use as my excuse. But it’s getting pretty serious. First the DS video games, now the trading card game, and of course I will sometimes watch the TV show and DVDs with him.

If you know anything about Pokémon (or, for those of you over the age of 10, who don’t), you know there are a lot of them. In fact, the sheer, staggering proliferation of them seems to be the main point, or at least a shrewd marketing tactic. As a result, there’s a lot of information to know about them, and thus arose the idea of the “Pokédex,” or Pokémon Index. The Pokédex is both an element in the games and the TV show, and a tool for fans, to store and retrieve information about all of the various Pokémon.

That’s all well and good, but what I really wanted was a version that was always at my fingertips, i.e. a version that works on my iPhone. Strangely there seemed to be no iPhone-friendly Pokédex out there. I can understand why an official one wouldn’t exist, what with Nintendo’s reluctance to license their brands to other hardware manufacturers (a smart move when you consider the disaster that resulted the one and only time they tried it), and especially when you consider that the iPhone is now essentially a competitor to the Nintendo DS.

Anyway… the point of all of this is that I’ve built my own iPhone-friendly Pokédex, which I am oh-so-creatively calling the iPokédex. Don’t bother going to ipokedex.com though. (Yeah, I have no idea either.) I may eventually register a unique domain name for it (assuming I don’t get sued in the meantime), but for now you can find it here at this relatively pithy URL:

room34.com/pokemon

Enjoy!