UNDERDOG of PERFECTION

Who Watches the Watchers
Season 3 Episode 4
Original airdate: October 14, 1989

Netflix Synopsis

A proto-Vulcan culture worships Capt. Picard as if he were a god, and they prepare to offer a sacrifice in his honor.

IMDb Synopsis

A proto-Vulcan culture worships Captain Picard and prepares to offer Counselor Troi as a sacrifice.

My Brief Review

Here’s another one where Netflix obviously cribbed its synopsis from IMDb, fortunately making one key detail more vague, which made for a slightly more surprising viewing.

This is another excellent episode. Season 3 is so far superior to seasons 1 and 2, it’s hard to believe the show even made it to this point, but it probably saved the entire Star Trek franchise. (Might be worth me taking the time to see how the timing of this series lined up with the movies, but I digress.)

It’s a Prime Directive episode, where Federation anthropologists studying a Bronze Age culture (whose development is similar to Vulcans’ and who — inexplicably — resemble them) has its cover blown, one of them gets taken to Enterprise to repair injuries from a fall, and he comes to believe Picard — I mean “The Picard” — is a god.

Oops. How will Picard manage to not only extract his people from the situation, but also keep this rational culture from regressing into superstition? I’ll leave that to you to find out when you watch it.

Memorable Moment

Pretty much any time Liko (who vaguely resembles Phil Hartman as “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer”) calls him “The Picard.”

Crew Rando

“Rando” Crewman Martinez (possibly the backflip master from the previous episode) makes another appearance, but the ultimate “rando” in this episode is Dr. Barron, played by James Greene… who I immediately recognized as Councilman Milton from Parks and Recreation.

Distance Rating: 6K

IMDb score: 8.1/10

The Survivors
Season 3 Episode 3
Original airdate: October 7, 1989

Netflix Synopsis

The Enterprise responds to a distress call from Rana IV, a Federation colony that is under attack from an unknown alien ship.

My Brief Review

At last, a genuinely good episode. The story in this one has some of the TOS spirit in it, and it kept me genuinely in suspense until an “ah-ha” moment I won’t spoil here.

I realized, in retrospect, that the initial setup of the episode doesn’t make sense… unless the distress call has been in automated transmission for many years, because the attack clearly did not just recently happen. But once the Enterprise arrives at Rana IV, things get interesting, and it’s easy to forget that detail.

How did one house and an elderly couple survive the destruction of an entire planet? Why is Deanna Troi possessed by the music from a music box they own, even though she wasn’t part of the away team? This one is worth watching to find out the answers.

Memorable Moment

Picard shines in this episode, figuring things out several steps ahead of his dimwitted first officer and the rest of the bridge crew. The moment when Picard reveals exactly what he has finally figured out is going on gave me chills.

Crew Rando

Not sure who it was, but some rando on the bridge nearly did a backflip when the Enterprise was hit with a blast from the enemy ship.

Distance Rating: 6K

IMDb score: 7.7/10

The Ensigns of Command
Season 3 Episode 2
Original airdate: September 30, 1989

Netflix Synopsis

After a century of silence, the Enterprise receives a message from the Sheliac (sic) system informing them that they have discovered a human colony.

My Brief Review

This is a pretty solid episode. No annoying characters (although Gosheven, the imperious leader of the colonists, walks the line), few glaring flaws in the script, and it even ties in the cold open in a cohesive way. I believe this is also the first time we see Data playing violin.

That said, it wasn’t exactly an exciting episode. The Sheliak species is interesting though — I enjoy it whenever Star Trek takes the time to conceive of an alien species that is radically different from humans. It makes for a far more interesting episode on a philosophical level, as it explores the nature of humanity. This episode does that in several ways, with the colonists trying to decide what gives their existence meaning, Data tries to express himself creatively, and Picard tries to negotiate with a species that sees humans as little more than an infestation.

Memorable Moment

I have a soft spot for Data, and he’s the star of this episode. I always remember the wrap-up moment at the end of the episode, where Data is speaking with Picard in the ready room, discussing a recording of Data’s string quartet performance from the cold open. Data explains that he was not playing with “feeling” — merely recreating the techniques of two famous violinists. Picard points out that the two violinists play in very different styles, so Data was creating something new and original by successfully combining them.

So… uh… an argument that mashups constitute a new work? (Asking for a friend.)

Crew Rando

The other two members of Data’s string quartet (plus O’Brien).

Distance Rating: 4K

IMDb score: 7.5/10

Evolution
Season 3 Episode 1
Original airdate: September 23, 1989

Netflix Synopsis

The Enterprise is carrying an eminent scientist, Dr. Paul Stubbs, to the site of a binary star where they are expecting a massive stellar explosion.

IMDb Synopsis

Wesley’s latest science project escapes the lab, threatening the Enterprise and an eminent scientist’s life-long project.

My Brief Review

And we’re back! The production has clearly been infused with some fresh cash, the guild writers are back, as is Dr. Beverly Crusher, and the quality is back… at least in comparison to the season 2 finale.

Once again I’m sharing both the Netflix and IMDb synopses, since this seems to be one of those episodes where whoever wrote the Netflix summary only watched the cold open.

The main story here is some “nanites” (nano-robots) Wesley was experimenting with for a school project, that escape, learn to work together, self-replicate by… well… eating parts of the ship’s computer, and gain sentience. They communicate through Data, work out their conflict with Dr. Stubbs, and are given a planet (not shown) on which to continue their evolution.

This has the makings of a great Star Trek movie. Or a spinoff series. Unfortunately, it is way too much for a single standalone episode. Too many questions are left unanswered. Too many implications left unconsidered. And Dr. Stubbs is yet another über-genius asshole, whose hubris nearly destroys everything.

This episode kept my attention, but it left me unsatisfied.

Memorable Moment

Brent Spiner is at his acting best when he’s playing Data or, in this case, even more primitive robots. He’s a big ham any time he is given a more human role. But he’s great here in the scene where he gives voice to the nanites.

Crew Rando

Uh… let’s go with the helmsman who is quickly dismissed by Riker at the beginning of the episode, after Wesley arrives late for his shift having fallen asleep in the lab… which is how the nanites got out and infected the ship. Maybe they’d be better off leaving “Crewman #1” (as he’s credited) at the helm.

Distance Rating: 5K

IMDb score: 6.6/10

Shades of Gray
Season 2 Episode 22
Original airdate: July 15, 1989

Netflix Synopsis

Who cares, it’s a damn clip show.

My Brief Review

It’s a goddamn CLIP SHOW.

I skipped the previous episode because it featured the Ferengi. The goddamn Ferengi. This is the final episode of the season, and what… it’s a CLIP SHOW?! Riker is in a coma with an infection he picked up on an alien planet, so the majority of the episode is random clips from the first two seasons that he’s supposedly dreaming while in said coma.

What. The. Hell.

I can’t believe this show lasted beyond this moment.

To be fair, according to IMDb, they resorted to making this clip show either or both a) because the outstanding Q Who episode from earlier in the season had gone way over budget, or b) there was a writers’ strike. Q Who was good enough that they probably should have just ended the season right there.

Memorable Moment

All of the moments I already remembered from previous episodes.

Crew Rando

Who cares.

Distance Rating: 3K*

*With all of these reviews, I rate it by the distance I run on the treadmill. Then I continue to walk on the treadmill to watch the rest of the episode. This is the first one where I stopped and turned it off.
IMDb score: 3.4/10

Here’s hoping things pick up with season 3. I’ll find out tomorrow. I honestly don’t remember this show being so terrible.