Vegetarian Biscuits and Gravy

Do you want to read a long, drawn-out blog post intro to this recipe before I actually get down to the details? Of course you do!

But I don’t really care to write it. Suffice to say, the first time I ever had biscuits and gravy was at a restaurant somewhere on vacation with my parents when I was about 11 or 12. I loved biscuits and I loved gravy, so I assumed it would be awesome. But I’d never had (or even imagined the existence of) sausage gravy, and since I was at the age where — with food at least — surprise equals disgust, I hated it.

Over time I learned to like biscuits and gravy. But over time I also became a vegetarian. What to do? How about make my own vegetarian version? Of course!

The first thing you need to know is that I am not much of a baker, and my biscuit recipe is almost exactly the biscuit recipe from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything, so I suggest before you do anything else, you head over to your favorite bookseller and buy it.

The next thing you need to know is that I am all about making sauces, gravies, béchamels, what-have-you. I have always found that recipes gloss over the trick of it, which is really not hard at all, but if you don’t know it, they turn into a lumpy disaster. So I’ll get to that in time.

First let’s make some biscuits.

Not Exactly Mark Bittman’s Buttermilk Biscuits

This makes somewhere between 10 and 15 biscuits, depending on how thin you roll it out and how careful you are about not wasting any dough.

Ingredients

2 c all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp baking powder*
1 tsp baking soda
5 tbsp butter
1 c buttermilk

* Mark Bittman says 3 tsp, but since 3 tsp equals 1 tbsp, I don’t know why he does that, other than that baking is a science and maybe saying 3 tsp instead of 1 tbsp will make you be more precise in your measurements. Also make sure you pay attention to the difference between baking powder (which contains baking soda) and baking soda (which does not contain baking powder).

Preparation

  1. Preheat oven to 450ºF.
  2. In a large mixing bowl, combine the first 4 ingredients and stir together well.
  3. Cut the butter into small pieces — I actually hack away at it with kitchen scissors; you could also grate it with a box grater if it’s cold enough.
  4. Add the butter pieces into the dry ingredients, and then using your fingers, smoosh the butter together with the flour until there aren’t any big chunks of butter left. (Make the recipe a few times and you’ll probably figure out your own preferred way to do this.)
  5. Stir the buttermilk into the bowl 1/4 cup at a time, and continue stirring until the dough starts to come together. If your experience is like mine, it never totally does. Just avoid working it too much.
  6. Scoop the dough out onto a floured surface and knead a few times, just until it comes together. Again, don’t overwork it.
  7. Dust a rolling pin with flour, and roll the dough out to about 1/2 inch thick.
  8. If you have a biscuit cutter or a circular cookie cutter, awesome. Otherwise, an overturned juice glass supposedly works. You might want to rub some flour around the inside lip of the glass to keep the dough from sticking. Press the cutter/glass down straight through the dough quickly to make circles. Don’t twist.
  9. Hopefully your dough is dry enough not to stick to the cutter/glass and even more importantly to the counter. Assuming that’s the case, you can transfer the circles of dough to a nonstick baking sheet. Give about an inch between biscuits. They do expand while baking, but not a huge amount.
  10. If you have leftover dough, smoosh it back together, roll it out again, and cut out a few more biscuits! Then be sure to take the remaining scraps this time, mash them into a grotesque monster biscuit, and put that on the tray too!
  11. Bake for 7 to 9 minutes. (My oven takes 9.) Just look for the kind of golden brown color on top that you like to see.
  12. Remove the biscuits from the oven and cool slightly on a cooling rack before serving.

Here are the biscuits I made this morning (minus a couple Sara snagged before I could take a picture). Can you tell which ones I cut out first?

While the biscuits are in the oven, you can get started on the gravy.

Scott’s Vegetarian Sausage Gravy

Ingredients

3 tbsp butter
3 tbsp flour
1/4 c buttermilk
3/4 c vegetable broth
1 c milk
2 vegetarian breakfast sausage patties (e.g. Morningstar Farms)
fresh ground black pepper
salt to taste

Preparation

  1. Combine the liquid ingredients in a 2-cup measuring cup. (Should be 2 cups total.)
  2. Place butter in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat.
  3. While butter is melting, microwave the sausage patties 20-25 seconds, flip, then 20-25 seconds more.
  4. Add the sausage patties to the saucepan and break into small pieces with a wooden spoon.
  5. Add the flour and stir well for about 1 minute.
  6. Here’s the secret to good, smooth gravy/sauce/bechamel: Add the liquid a small amount at a time. By “small amount” I mean about 1/4 cup. Stir until all of the liquid is absorbed and the mixture is a consistent texture, then continue adding liquid 1/4 cup at a time until the overall mixture is more “liquid” than “paste,” then pour in all of the rest of the liquid and stir well.
  7. Turn the heat up to high and stir constantly until it comes to a boil. Reduce heat to medium.
  8. Continue stirring constantly, making sure to loosen up anything that’s starting to stick to the bottom of the saucepan.
  9. Stir in a generous amount of black pepper (fresh ground if you have it). Good sausage gravy has a lot of black pepper in it. I generally use at least 1/2 tbsp to 1 tbsp.
  10. Continue stirring and simmering until the gravy reaches your desired thickness. Taste and season with salt as needed.

That’s it! Put 2-3 biscuits in a bowl or on a plate, ladle the gravy over and enjoy!

How to execute a no-nonsense upgrade to PHP 7.4 on Ubuntu 16.04 LTS

Yeah, yeah. Ubuntu 16.04 LTS is getting pretty long in the tooth. Long-term support ends in less than a year.

But if you’re anything like me (I’m sorry), you’re managing multiple VPSes that are, at the moment, still running it. And now WordPress is giving all of your clients scary warnings about needing to upgrade their version of PHP. What to do?

I’ve distilled the process down to 11 lines that you can just copy-paste straight into the command line. It’s not entirely hands-off; there are a few steps where you’ll be asked to confirm whether you want to keep your existing configuration files (YES!) and such. And — very important — you’ll want to review the set of PHP-related packages I’ve got listed here to make sure they’re ones you need, and that they’re all the ones you need. If you’re not sure whether or not there are others you may want, I suggest running apt update and then apt-cache search php7.4 and reviewing the list of results before proceeding.

Now then… here we go. I’ll break it all down after the code sample.

CAVEAT EMPTOR: I’ve just run this series of commands on three servers and it seemed to work fine, but this code is provided AS IS and you’re on your own if anything gets screwed up.

This assumes you’re already in sudo mode. If not, start with a sudo -s and FEEL THE POWER.

apt update
apt -y install software-properties-common
add-apt-repository -y ppa:ondrej/php
add-apt-repository -y ppa:ondrej/apache2
apt update
apt -y dist-upgrade
apt -y autoremove
apt -y install php7.4 libapache2-mod-php7.4 php7.4-mysql php-imagick php7.4-cgi php7.4-cli php7.4-common php7.4-curl php7.4-gd php7.4-json php7.4-mbstring php7.4-opcache php7.4-soap php7.4-xml
a2dismod php7.0
a2enmod php7.4
service apache2 restart

OK, what are we doing here? Let’s break it down.

apt update

Updating our package cache. Gotta do this first, always.

apt -y install software-properties-common

You may already have this installed. I’m not entirely sure what it’s for but the other articles I read had me doing that before the next steps so who am I to argue?

add-apt-repository -y ppa:ondrej/php
add-apt-repository -y ppa:ondrej/apache2

We are adding external package repositories created by Ond?ej Surý that allow versions of Ubuntu Linux to install newer versions of PHP than what comes with the standard Canonical set.

apt update
apt -y dist-upgrade
apt -y autoremove

Gotta do this again, since we’ve added new repositories. We’re doing a full-blown update of any outdated packages in the OS, and using the -y switch means we’re not going to be asked to manually confirm before proceeding. Be careful!

apt -y install php7.4 libapache2-mod-php7.4 php7.4-mysql php-imagick php7.4-cgi php7.4-cli php7.4-common php7.4-curl php7.4-gd php7.4-json php7.4-mbstring php7.4-opcache php7.4-soap php7.4-xml

This is the big one. We’re installing PHP 7.4 as well as a bunch of related packages we probably need. If you don’t know what all of these do, I encourage you to research them. You may not need them all. You may need others not included here. But these seem to do the trick for a typical WordPress setup.

a2dismod php7.0
a2enmod php7.4

Here we’re telling Apache to stop using PHP 7.0 and to use PHP 7.4 instead. This assumes you’re currently running PHP 7.0, which would be the case if you’re still on the default Ubuntu 16.04 LTS packages.

service apache2 restart

Let’s restart Apache and get that PHP 7.4 goodness! Hopefully everything works! But I suppose we should also be forward-thinking. This command is deprecated and I believe removed completely in Ubuntu 20.04, so you could use the more modern (but to my eye, decidedly less friendly) systemctl restart apache2 instead.

Postscript

One more thing… along the way you might have updated some packages that recommend a restart. If that’s the case, throw in one last command for fun:

reboot

Obviously if your server gets a ton of traffic you may not want to reboot in the middle of the day. But then you shouldn’t have been doing any of this in the middle of the day. The Digital Ocean VPSes I use typically reboot in less than 10 seconds, so I am never too hesitant to reboot at any time. Some of the other commands above, however, may shut down Apache or MySQL for a longer period (probably not more than a minute or two).

Post-postscript

This should also work more or less the same for any other version of Ubuntu you’re trying to keep fresh past its sell-by date. The main thing you might need to look at is the a2dismod php7.0 line. You’re probably running a different version of PHP. You can use php -v to see which version you’re running, and you can run ls /etc/php to see which version(s) you have installed.

A quick fix for the impossibility of building new menus on a WordPress site with a large number of pages

I’m working on a theme migration for a WordPress site that as a lot of pages. A lot of pages. 451 pages.

The old version of the site was using page menus, not custom menus, but it was relying on a constellation of abandoned plugins, and that approach just won’t work for the new theme. We need to build custom menus.

The problem is, building a new menu on a WordPress site that has 451 pages is a daunting task. Granted, only 39 of these pages need to go into the main navigation. (A lot of them really should probably be deleted, but that’s the client’s call, not mine.) So, I’m glad I don’t have to wrangle over 400 pages into a menu, but even 39 can be difficult given the shoddy interface WordPress provides for finding pages to add to your menu.

There are three tabs: Most Recent, View All, and Search. Most Recent is useless unless you’re just adding recently created pages to an existing menu. View All is useless because it’s paginated, inside this tiny box, and it lists the pages in an entirely inscrutable order. (OK, it’s not inscrutable. I can scrute it. But just because I understand the logic of how they’re ordered doesn’t mean that order is easy to work with.) And lastly we have Search which seems like the saving grace. But it’s actually the most maddening of the three because of two things:

  1. WordPress search sucks. It doesn’t give extra weight to page titles; it searches the full content. So even if I type in the exact title of the page I want, it’s usually not first in the list. And that’s a problem because…

  2. It only returns 10 results. That’s it. Ten. No lazy loading of more, no pagination, nothing. If your page doesn’t come back in the top 10 results, it may as well not exist.

I’d really love to rebuild the internal WordPress search engine to be smarter about weighting titles. Well, OK, no I wouldn’t. That would be a project I would not enjoy. But I would like for it to be done by someone.

Since that’s not likely to happen, at least there’s a way we can modify the search results to change the number of pages returned. I found the solution, as I often do, on StackExchange. But I dislike a few of the answer’s coding conventions, and I wanted to make one specific change for myself, so here’s my version. (You may not like using closures, especially in a scenario like this because it prevents you, or anyone else, from being able to remove this logic elsewhere. If I were writing a public plugin for this, I’d definitely make it a named function, but this should be fine for a custom theme.)

add_action('pre_get_posts', function($query) {
  if (is_admin()) {
    if (isset($_POST['action']) && $_POST['action'] == 'menu-quick-search' && isset($_POST['menu-settings-column-nonce'])) {
      if (is_a($query->query_vars['walker'], 'Walker_Nav_Menu_Checklist')) {
        $query->query_vars['posts_per_page'] = -1;
      }
    }
  }
  return $query;
}, 10, 2);

The important difference between the StackExchange sample and my code is that I changed the results from 30 to -1 which, in the WordPress universe, equals . Fun!

The standard warning is that setting posts_per_page to -1 is inherently risky because it could cause performance problems. But in my testing of this change, it does not appear to be an issue on this site with 451 pages, so I’m guessing it won’t be for you, either.

Now, instead of getting back a paltry ten results, you’ll get all the results that match your search. And the exact page title you typed in should be in there, somewhere.

Add arbitrary product data to order items in WooCommerce

This seems to be way more convoluted than it needs to be, but I’m not sure how much of that is that it’s actually convoluted, how much is that Woo’s documentation sucks, and how much is that everyone else’s tutorial on it is tl;dr.

Anyway… I just wanted to do something fairly simple. I want to have each product’s short description get sent into the order data. This is a specific use case with a client who’s syncing data over the REST API with an external system, and we’re shoehorning data into the short description that maybe could go somewhere else. The point is, use your imagination as to how this might be useful to you.

I’m stripping out a lot of the other details. All I want is a way to a) add the data to the item in the cart, and b) carry that data over into the order item meta data in the database. You may need or want more, but this will get you started.

// Add custom order item meta data to cart
add_filter('woocommerce_add_cart_item_data', function($cart_item, $product_id) {
  if (!isset($cart_item['short_description'])) {
    if ($product = wc_get_product($product_id)) {
      $cart_item['short_description'] = $product->get_short_description();
    }
  }
  return $cart_item;
}, 10, 2);

// Add custom order item data from the cart into the order
add_action('woocommerce_checkout_create_order_line_item', function($item, $cart_item_key, $values, $order) {
  if  (isset($values['short_description'])) {
    $item->add_meta_data('Short Description', $values['short_description'], true);
  }
}, 10, 4);

This is a major distillation of stuff I found in these two tutorials: How to Add a Customizable Field to a WooCommerce Product and Add Custom Cart Item Data in WooCommerce.

Please, web font vendors, learn how to use CSS @font-face properly!

This has been bugging me for years and I can’t believe it’s still happening.

Being able to use custom fonts has been a huge boon to web design. And font hosting services like Typekit (sorry, I will never call it Adobe Fonts) and Google Fonts make using custom fonts easy.

But sometimes you still buy a font license that involves hosting the font files directly on your own server, and that’s where things get absolutely maddening because, for some reason, someone early on grossly misinterpreted how to use @font-face and that error has been perpetuated by countless unthinking others.

(Yes, I’m being harsh. But this is really not that complicated. And getting it right makes writing your CSS and HTML so much easier.)

Here’s an example of some font-specifying CSS you might receive from a font vendor:

@font-face {
    font-family: 'Font-Name-Regular';
    src: url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Regular.woff2') format('woff2'),
         url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Regular.woff') format('woff');
    font-weight: normal;
    }
.Font-Name-Regular {
    font-family: 'Font-Name-Regular';
    }

@font-face {
    font-family: 'Font-Name-Regular';
    src: url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Regular-Italic.woff2') format('woff2'),
         url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Regular-Italic.woff') format('woff');
    font-weight: normal;
    font-style: italic;
    }
.Font-Name-Regular-Italic {
    font-family: 'Font-Name-Regular';
    font-style: italic;
    }

@font-face {
    font-family: 'Font-Name-Bold';
    src: url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Bold.woff2') format('woff2'),
         url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Bold.woff') format('woff');
    font-weight: normal;
    }
.Font-Name-Bold {
    font-family: 'Font-Name-Bold';
    }

@font-face {
    font-family: 'Font-Name-Bold';
    src: url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Bold-Italic.woff2') format('woff2'),
         url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Bold-Italic.woff') format('woff');
    font-weight: normal;
    font-style: italic;
    }
.Font-Name-Bold-Italic {
    font-family: 'Font-Name-Bold';
    font-style: italic;
    }

This is, in fact, the exact code I just received yesterday from a font vendor when I purchased a license, with the actual font name removed to protect the guilty innocent.

What’s so bad about this, you might ask? Aside from the conventions I dislike of indenting the closing } and using 4 spaces instead of tabs, there are two glaring problems with this:

  1. Because the font-family name defined for each weight and style is different, when you go to use this font, you need to specify the font-family every time you want to use bold or italics in your HTML, or at least use the custom CSS classes defined here. No! No no no! You should not have to apply a class to get bold or italics to render properly. The <strong> and <em> tags should do that on their own!
  2. Don’t f***ing define a bold font with font-weight: normal;! If you don’t realize from this, alone, that something is wrong with your approach, stop coding right now.

So, how should this be done, you ask?

Well, it’s simple. Each @font-face declaration has four properties. One is src: which tells the browser where to find the correct font file(s) for this face. The other three properties work together to define the context in which this particular src should be used: any time this combination of font-family, font-weight and font-style come together.

You can use the same font-family in different @font-face declarations as long as font-weight and font-style are different. In fact, you’re supposed to! That’s the way it’s designed to work!!!

When you do this properly, you don’t need any custom CSS classes. Try this on for size:

@font-face {
    font-family: 'Font-Name';
    src: url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Regular.woff2') format('woff2'),
         url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Regular.woff') format('woff');
    font-weight: normal;
}

@font-face {
    font-family: 'Font-Name';
    src: url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Regular-Italic.woff2') format('woff2'),
         url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Regular-Italic.woff') format('woff');
    font-weight: normal;
    font-style: italic;
}

@font-face {
    font-family: 'Font-Name';
    src: url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Bold.woff2') format('woff2'),
         url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Bold.woff') format('woff');
    font-weight: bold;
}

@font-face {
    font-family: 'Font-Name';
    src: url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Bold-Italic.woff2') format('woff2'),
         url('Font-Name/Font-Name-Bold-Italic.woff') format('woff');
    font-weight: bold;
    font-style: italic;
}

Aside from the fact that this eliminates 1/3 of the lines of code, it also will make your HTML much cleaner and more properly separates content from styling.

Here’s an example of some HTML you might have to write using the first approach:

<p class="Font-Name-Regular">This is some regular text, which also
includes a bit of <em class="Font-Name-Regular-Italic">italics</em>
and even a dash of <strong class="Font-Name-Bold">bold</strong>.</p>

Now, granted, my version does require you to define the font-family for your <p> tags in your CSS file. But guess what… you’re supposed to do that! Put this in your CSS:

p { font-family: 'Font-Name'; }

With that in place, the proper HTML for the same appearance becomes this:

<p>This is some regular text, which also
includes a bit of <em>italics</em>
and even a dash of <strong>bold</strong>.</p>

So, again… when thinking about @font-face, just remember these two simple things:

  1. All @font-face declarations for the same font family should have the same font-family. (Seems kind of obvious when I put it that way, doesn’t it?)
  2. The value for font-weight should be the actual weight of the font. Only the “regular” weight should have font-weight: normal; or font-weight: 400;. If you’re using font-weight: normal; on a bold font, you’ve done something wrong.

This change makes for cleaner code, easier maintenance, and proper separation of content from design.

Addendum

Shortly after I posted this, I went back and looked at the unnamed font vendor’s sample page, because I knew it referenced “the @font-face standard since 2017”. I could not believe that this approach was actually a “standard,” so I tracked down the source, an article Bram Stein published on A List Apart in 2017 called Using Webfonts.

Guess what… Bram Stein’s examples do it the right way!

I do know one place where I’ve consistently seen this wrong way I’m railing against… it’s the code generated on FontSquirrel (no link, on principle) whenever you download a font. Other “web font generator” sites like FontSquirrel probably do it to. They’re all wrong… but Bram Stein isn’t. Don’t drag him down with this bad code!