A Compendium of Spam Sender Pseudonyms

With my departure from Atlanta and the slow death-by-stagnation of the Forced Enthusiasm Log, I wondered if I’d ever find a worthy successor topic, and now I have.

Unfortunately, it has taken many months for me to fully awaken to the currently emerging art form of bizarre spam sender names. So my spam memory hole has consumed countless gems of sublime algorithmic syntactic mangling. But it’s not too late.

I could attempt further witty half-explanations of why I am doing this, but really… you’re just here for the crazy-ass names. So here we go. Be sure to check back periodically, as I have made it my life’s mission to keep a log here of every goofy spam sender name I receive from this day forth.

Decal H. Rifled
Burly S. Muskellunge
Unanticipated H. Genesis
Brilliants G. Tony
Elating K. Fishery
Freestyle K. Marcella
Gavotte L. Festivity
Gabriel C. Platinum
Wedge B. Radon
Faceless Q. Hogged
Adumbration V. Drool
Careen J. Feinting
Loxing E. Bowie
Basted P. Barrymore
Roves K. Aside
Pediatrician R. Speaking
Maternity L. Crocuses
Compassion G. Endlessness
Shithole B. Brain
Phlox E. Angiosperm
Corneal D. Abase
Spectroscope K. Wearer
Ford V. Refuelling
Dicta T. Gerrymandered
Splints P. Twitch
Revolvers C. Wryly
Jail K. Steak
Crone U. Tops
Pickings K. Profanes
Unwarier J. Bacterium
Minimum F. Perjurer
Slice A. Rudimentary
Seraph O. Szechuan
Stir T. Metropolises
Graybeards J. Imprecise
Paunched E. Cinchona
Nicks V. Beatified
Runoffs B. Tie
Rebus H. Indira
Asps O. Apartments
Guinness E. Bung
Aggravates C. Severely
Briskly C. Lagrangian
Mystery O. Brawls
Amoco V. Commentate
Sunburnt T. Mamie
Diction J. Northerly
Stratifies J. Sing
Plutocracy K. Specious
Manifolding G. Underlie
Insulated H. Couriers
Forget U. Columned
Outstays H. Canopy
Thinker U. Overlap
Shower K. Czar
Medieval V. Smelled
Griddlecake K. Catafalque
Successful F. Disrespectfully
Sluicing T. Undercurrent
Bluntness B. Researched
Excalibur G. Snowshed
Striated T. Steamroller
Slyer J. Redeployment
Unison G. Surliness
Museums C. Holder
Smitten P. Unlikelier

What Is a Patriot?

This past Friday, while stopped at a tollbooth on my way into Chicago, I noticed a homemade sticker someone had placed on the back of the coin-catching-thing (whatever it’s called).

The sticker read:

“Patriotic Americans support the torture of Iraqi terrorist” (sic).

Uh…

How do I even address such idiocy? It’s stupid on so many levels. Frightening on even more. If I get time this week I will write a full Can of Worms on the topic.

I’m Thirsty

It’s funny… you can go on indefinitely, drinking thoroughly safe and adequately pleasant-tasting tap water, never questioning its quality, and then all of a sudden, one day, you decide you want bottled water.

From that moment forward, it’s as if 6 molar hydrochloric acid flowed from the tap. It’ll kill you! Dissolve your esophagus! Eat away your stomach lining!

Pheh… well, it’s ridiculous, but it happens. So now I am thirsty, the week’s supply of bottled water expended, and it’s 27 minutes since the market downstairs closed. What am I to do? I need water! Sweet elixir of life!

Oh yeah…

Update: Since I posted this, my ongoing music library project (which is what’s keeping me up to 1 AM and beyond tonight) is still underway, and I’ve broken down and resorted to drinking a can of Diet Sprite. What can I say? I was obeying my thirst.

I’m a tool.