There’s nothing like looking down on someone else to make you feel better about yourself

Most of the time, at least, I try not to judge myself in comparison to others, but sometimes when I get down on myself for certain personality traits, such as passive-aggressiveness, it’s helpful to find evidence that there are others who are far worse than myself.

And to that end, I need look no further than to passiveaggressivenotes.com.

I will admit that, my own impolite behaviors notwithstanding, it requires a great deal of restraint to keep myself from printing and posting notes in certain situations (especially where unflushed office toilets are concerned), so it’s not that I couldn’t relate to the pent-up frustrations being vented on some of these notes. Indeed, bad spelling and inscrutable grammar aside, a lot of these notes seem almost exactly like something I might have produced myself.

But then there are the others. The frothing, raving blather of those teetering on the edge of insanity. Not that the circumstances they were placed in by disliked roommates, coworkers, or proximate strangers didn’t warrant it most of the time. In the end, however, I’d rather be the culprit than the chump whose incoherent rants get photographed and posted on a blog for the purpose of global mockery.

Whatever. I just spent the last hour and a half poring over it all. Enjoy.

On a related, but less spiteful note (but only slightly so), you may also enjoy these similar sites (lazily copied from the passiveaggressivenotes.com blogroll). I am beyond pleased to see that there are others out there who share my same pet peeves, namely: apostrophe abuse, lowercase L, and unnecessary quotation marks.

Boy, this kind of puts my Catalog of Annoying Grammatical and Spelling Errors to shame.

OK, follow my train of thought here…

The other day, for reasons I’d best not get into, I was listening to the Steven Wright tracks from the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack. If you’ve seen the movie, you know that the soundtrack is interspersed with segments of deadpan comic Steven Wright‘s voice as a DJ on “KBILLY’s Super Sounds of the ’70s Weekend.” Listening to those tracks in sequence with absolutely no music in between them is a surreal experience.

In addition to the long-buried ’70s gems that made it onto the soundtrack, a slew of other songs did not appear, but did however get a mention from Steven Wright, tantalizingly conjuring a world beyond the details of the film, where a radio station that actually plays all of this crazy stuff exists! (Granted, this film predates the Jack FM phenomenon by a solid decade, but Jack rarely plays stuff this obscure.)

One of the titles Steven Wright mentions caught my attention: “Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)” by Edison Lighthouse. (Anyone who knows me personally will know why that got my attention.) So I listened to a bit of it on iTunes, and it jogged a vague memory of this one-hit wonder from 1970. Then I headed over to YouTube, where I was delighted to find the music video:

Now many people of my generation or younger — or older for that matter — may not realize that they made music videos back in 1970 (and even earlier). I still have no idea where these things actually got played in a pre-MTV world. Of course, I don’t know where today’s music videos get played either, given that they sure as hell aren’t on MTV anymore.

Groovy.

The incredible ever-changing page background

Here’s more stuff that web designers might find interesting and everyone else will find either irrelevant or won’t even notice.

I kind of liked the abstract image I had as the background of the pages in this new site design (which, if you’re interested, can still be found on my IE6 users’ “welcome” page), but I was never completely satisfied with how it was just shoved into the upper left corner of the window. So I took a horizontal cross-section from a very colorful portion of that design, stretched it out into blurry vertical stripes, and made it the new background.

But, you may notice, there’s a bit more to the background than that. Once again it’s the magic of PNG alpha channel transparency at work.

The background of this page is actually the product of 3 separate images (a JPEG at the “back” and two transparent PNGs over it) overlaid on top of each other. In the bottom layer is the aforementioned blurry multi-colored vertical stripe image (JPEG). It’s 1600 pixels wide by 20 pixels high, tiled.

Next above that is my “Close to the Edge” image, a gradient from the teal of my color palette (at the bottom) to transparent (at the top). For a while I toyed with simply using this as a teal-to-black gradient, and I have to say it looked quite nice, but there’s not enough else going on visually with the design of the page, so a solid black band at the top of the page came off a bit boring. So, the gradient as an overlay on the stripes. This image is 50 pixels wide by 600 pixels high, and it’s fixed to the bottom of the window and tiled horizontally.

Above that is the (probably overused) “NTSC scanline effect” image, which produces the horizontal stripes. Unnecessary and as I said, probably overused, but it’s still kind of cool looking. Or would have been in 1998 at least. Call me old fashioned, if you think 1998 is old. (OK, in the web world, it’s ancient history.) This is a 20×20 image, also tiled.

So, how does this all fit together? Well, the way I do it is by applying the JPEG to the <body> tag, which is immediately followed by a pair of nested <div> tags that fill the window and exist for the sole purpose of overlaying the other background layers. Then inside of that, the rest of the page’s HTML appears as normally.

Looking at it precisely, the CSS file contains the following:

body {
  background: #000 url(“images/body_bg_stripes.jpg”) top left repeat fixed;
  margin: 0;
  padding: 0;
}
#body_overlay {
  background: url(“images/body_overlay_bg_ctte.png”) bottom left repeat-x fixed;
  height: 100%;
  margin: 0;
  padding: 0;
  width: 100%;
}
#body_overlay_2 {
  background: url(“images/scanlines_25_black.png”) top left repeat fixed;
  height: 100%;
  margin: 0;
  padding: 0;
  width: 100%;
}

And the HTML for the pages follows this basic structure (with lots of stuff cut out in this example, of course):

<html>
…HEAD TAGS HERE…
<body>
<div id=”body_overlay”>
<div id=”body_overlay_2″>
…PAGE BODY HERE…
</div>
</div>
</body>
</html>

What’s really cool about this is that it results in a background pattern that, as a single image, would need to be at least 1600 pixels by 600 pixels (in other words, very large in both dimensions and file size), and even then it would not be able to achieve exactly what you see here because the gradient is fixed against the bottom of the window. In fact there’s absolutely no way to produce the background of this page without transparent PNGs. The 1600×600 image would easily be a few hundred kilobytes at a fairly low-quality compression level — far too big to justify, especially since it would still end up looking like crap. But as it is, the three images are 6857, 135, and 714 bytes respectively — less than 8 kilobytes combined. Sweet! (OK, it’s pathetic that I think something like this is “sweet,” but there it is.)

OK, putting ads on my site was worth it just for this

As you’ve probably noticed, I’ve been running Google ads on my website for the better part of two years now. I do feel like a bit of a tool, but hey, it’s earned me a whopping $114 in cold hard cash so far. (OK, maybe that’s revealing too much about my low readership selective appeal.) But it was all worth it just to discover an ad for DopeKitz.com appearing on one of my music pages.

Now, the ad features some animation which is apparently JavaScript-driven from Google ads, because when I tried to save it to repost here, it was a JPEG (and if anyone out there has ever heard of an animated JPEG before, please let me know). So I’ll just have to recount the experience for you as best I can.

First, it says, in an EXTREME font (both distressed and metallic — a winning combination):

YOU A PRODUCER?

And then, in an even MORE EXTREME font (with randomly-sized, overlapping letters):

GOT HEAT?

Followed by an explosion of EXTREMENESS mixing multiple distressed fonts, and with a tantalizing sample of the mangled grammar to follow:

STEP YO’ GAME UP!

This then changes to the final frame, a still shot of the URL in bold black text: www.DOPEKITZ.com over a picture of a row of woofers.

Clicking the link takes you, of course, to DopeKitz.com, a place where design is alternately excessive or non-existent, and where the only apostrophes are in places where they don’t belong! A place that implores you to “Find out what some of the industrys Hottest producers Have already discovered.” (Yes, all apostrophes are optional and all H-words are capitalized.)

Don’t miss such outstanding products as “Killer Klapz 1 & 2” and “Monsta Drumz,” although my personal favorite is “Screwed Voicez.”

Whatever you do, just remember: “Dont Waste your DOE.”

(Incidentally I believe that was the only instance on the entire page of correct use of “your/you’re”; fortunately they’ve tempered it with errors in every other word in the sentence.)