ST:TNG Treadmill Review #39: Family

Family
Season 4 Episode 2
Original airdate: September 29, 1990

Netflix Synopsis

The crew of the Enterprise returns to Earth for shore leave. Still recovering from his experience with the Borg, Picard meets up with his brother.

My Brief Review

This episode plays a little bit like an episode of Fantasy Island — three separate and, really, totally unrelated stories. The common thread is in the title: family.

The setting: Earth. Enterprise is under repair, and the crew gets some shore leave at home. In the main story, Picard, still suffering from his traumatic assimilation by the Borg, retreats to his family vineyard in France, where his elder brother is not exactly pleased to see him. In the second story, Worf’s human adoptive parents come on board and embarrass him. And in the third, barely developed story (which seems to exist only to pad out the runtime and underscore “family”), Dr. Crusher receives a container of possessions from her late husband Jack, including his Starfleet uniform (the style worn in the Original Series movies of the ’80s) and a holographic message he had recorded for the infant Wesley, shortly before being killed in the line of duty.

The Wes story is fine, but totally throwaway. The Worf story is humorous and… uh… well… humanizes Worf a bit. But Picard’s story is really the essence of the episode and is fairly powerful. How does one recover from a traumatic experience? Will Picard retreat to life back on Earth, hiding from the dangers in space? Or will he find a way to live with what he’s been through and persevere in space? Is his brother just a major dick, or is he trying to teach Jean-Luc a lesson? (Take a guess.)

I have one huge issue with a scientific detail in this episode. An old friend, Louis, is part of a massive project to try to — get this — raise a new subcontinent in the ocean (the project is even called “Atlantis”). It’s run into some technical issues, and could really benefit from a smart and decisive leader like Picard to get things back on track.

But here’s the problem: WATER DISPLACEMENT. This project makes absolutely no sense, because if that amount of land were raised in the middle of the ocean, it would cause a rise in sea level beyond the worst projections of 21st century climate change. The whole project doesn’t even make any sense. What’s the point? It’s purely a literary device in the show, so that the choice Picard faces is not just between staying in space or retreating home, but literally hiding at the bottom of the ocean. I get it. It’s just completely inane.

Memorable Moment

Jean-Luc and his brother Robert mud wrestling in the vineyard.

Crew Rando

OK, he’s not part of the crew, but he is Starfleet (retired)… Worf’s dad, Chief Petty Officer Sergey Rozhenko!

Distance Rating: 3K

IMDb score: 8.4/10

Some final (?) thoughts on SOPA/PIPA

We did it! Apparently. Whatever “it” is.

Wednesday’s “SOPA Strike” finally got the attention of Congress (and millions of confused high school and college slackers who had to endure 24 hours without access to Wikipedia, humanity’s only known source of information). In the wake of the protests, sponsors of both the House and Senate bills “shelved” the bills.

For now, they’re gone. But do you remember the end of Halloween, when Loomis shoots Michael and he falls out the window, and then when they look down a second time, he’s gone? Yeah, that.*

Before I move on to other topics (hopefully forever), I just wanted to share some final thoughts about SOPA/PIPA.

1. They’re not really dead. Sure, it’s entirely possible that we’ll never hear about SOPA/PIPA — by those names — again. But if you think the MPAA, RIAA, and their legions of highly paid lobbyists are going to let it all go this easily, you must be new here. As long as there’s any chance that anything the entertainment industry owns is being copied illegally, which is to say, until copyright law is forgotten during the zombie apocalypse (which might just be led by Zombie SOPA itself), old media dinosaurs will continue to fight for their lives.

Actually dinosaurs employing an army of zombies to fight Internet cyborg pirates sounds like a perfect Hollywood movie idea. (Copyright 2012 Scott Anderson. All rights reserved.)

2. Piracy is not really the problem. Sure, piracy happens. Sure, it’s illegal, and very probably even “wrong.” But what’s really wrong (as in, factually incorrect) is the idea that piracy translates directly into lost income for movie studios and record labels, or, as they (and their cronies in Congress) like to put it, lost jobs for gaffers and key grips and best boys and Foley artists and all of those other weirdly named jobs you see scrolling by in extremely small type at the very end of the ending credits of big Hollywood movies.

Yes, if Hollywood goes down, it’s going to take those kinds of middle class jobs down with it. But trotting these people out to get the average person to support this legislation is not unlike Prolife Across America’s billboards with pictures of babies and speech bubbles saying “I could wiggle my toes at 18 weeks!” Bear with me. Regardless of whether they’re right or wrong on the issue, both tactics are designed to appeal on a very simple, gut emotional level, and to discourage critical thought about what’s really going on, whose agenda is really being promoted, and what the implications of that agenda are.

Aside from the documented cases of entertainment industry lobbyists making egregious “errors” in their calculations of the numbers of jobs affected or the billions of dollars “lost” each year to piracy, there’s the simple logical fallacy that every pirated movie or CD equates to a lost sale. On reflection, this should be obvious: many, if not most, of the people who are pirating a movie or an album were not likely to buy it otherwise.

Then again, sometimes getting a copy of an album from a friend turns a person into a lifelong fan of a musician. A personal example: in my life I have purchased every album ever released by both Rush and Yes, which is a lot (there are 31 Rush albums and 29 Yes albums in my iTunes library right now), several of them multiple times, as each new remastered version is released. I have seen these two bands in concert a combined 8 times. I’ve bought their concert videos on VHS and DVD. In all I’ve probably spent over $2000 in the past 20 years on my Rush and Yes obsessions. And it all began because a friend made me cassette copies of A Show of Hands and Classic Yes (both of which I subsequently purchased on CD) back in high school.

So, you see, piracy is not really the problem in two ways: 1) an instance of piracy doesn’t necessarily mean a lost sale up front, and 2) copying now may lead to a lot of purchasing later.

3. Copyright is broken anyway. The other day I mentioned that copyright law had been changed to allow Disney to retain exclusive rights to Mickey Mouse. In fact, the Copyright Term Extension Act of 1998 was even referred to as the Mickey Mouse Protection Act! I’m not against copyright, per se. I believe that the creators of original works should reserve the right to decide how their works are used and distributed, and to profit from their efforts.

But I also believe that an ever-changing law that allows that protection to extend in perpetuity, long after the creator’s death, is counterproductive and harmful to the free exchange of ideas within a society. I’m firmly against software patents for the same reason. In fact, I’m even more against software patents than I am against indefinite copyright extension, but that’s a topic for another post. But I think it’s worth mentioning that I am equally, or even more so, opposed to protectionism in my own field than I am in the entertainment industry.

4. Adapt or die. That’s it, really. As I’ve noted previously, these bills (and any future legislation like them) are not really designed to protect the interests of content creators. They are intended to prop up a dying industry that grew fat on profits over a period (specifically the 1970s through the 1990s) when their business was built upon a model that is ultimately unsustainable, especially as new means of distribution have proliferated. Combine that with what is broadly regarded as a precipitous decline in the quality of their products, along with untenable pricing, and you have a perfect recipe for the kind of collapse and failure currently underway. Don’t blame piracy; blame yourselves for overcharging for a product of low value.

P.S. Boy, it feels good to be able to link to Wikipedia again!

* You seriously haven’t seen it, and I spoiled the ending for you? Whatever. Also, would describing a portion of a film in a blog post like this have been a prosecutable offense under SOPA/PIPA?

Assembling the web designer’s toolkit

Web designers need a lot of tools at their disposal. Mostly this comes in the form of commercial software. If you don’t own the full Adobe Creative Suite, you at least have Photoshop (or, if you’re a FOSS contrarian, GIMP). If you’re on a Mac, you probably have BBEdit (or its free sibling, TextWrangler) installed, and if you’re on Windows… well… I don’t know. Does anyone who takes themselves seriously as a designer use Windows? I’m sure we’ll hear from them in the comment section.

But what I’m talking about here is not the commercial software applications you have installed on your desktop. I’m talking about the free libraries you probably need these days to get a “Web 2.0” site up and running.

I’ve been finding myself lately starting each new project by cobbling together the same set of these libraries, so this morning I decided to save myself some time on my next project by putting together a template set with all of them in place. Once I’ve had time to review all of the requisite licenses, I may post the complete package in a zip file here, but for now, here are some pointers to get you started.

jQuery

Where better to start than with this easy-to-use, infinitely extensible JavaScript library? I can’t imagine working without jQuery anymore. It makes just about everything JavaScript-related several orders of magnitude easier to work with. And then of course there are a handful of plug-ins I like to bring along for the ride: color, dimensions, em, hoverIntent, lightbox, mousewheel and jScrollPane. (Actually, several of those are required just for jScrollPane, a complex and tricky-to-implement plugin, but if you need custom scrollbars, it’s worth it.)

Lightbox for jQuery

I especially want to call attention to Lightbox for jQuery, based on the original Lightbox for Scriptaculous (see below). It’s a great way to add some nice polish to your site. Whenever a user clicks on a thumbnail to see a larger version of an image, you no longer need to subject them to an ugly and confusing plain browser window with the image in the upper left corner, or trigger a new pop-up window to appear. Lightbox uses CSS and JavaScript to elegantly apply a translucent mask over the existing page and present the image in a centered layer hovering over the rest of the page, in the same browser window. Slick!

Scriptaculous

On the other side of the JavaScript library fence, we have Scriptaculous, built upon prototype.js. It’s not quite as slick or as powerful as jQuery, but it handles AJAX without additional plugins. Honestly, I haven’t tried much AJAX with jQuery, but since CakePHP‘s built-in AJAX helper relies on Scriptaculous, I’ll probably still have a place for it, for a while. The snag is that jQuery and Scriptaculous, with their default settings, don’t play nicely; they both want to use the $ variable for themselves. But jQuery’s noConflict() method makes it easy to get these two powerhouse libraries to get along.

IE7.js

This is my least favorite of the tools described here, for two reasons: 1) it’s essentially just a patch for Internet Explorer without adding any new functionality for general use, and 2) it reminds me that Internet Explorer exists.

That said, it’s indispensable. The issue here is simple: IE6 doesn’t support a lot of “modern” features that other browsers do, and that are becoming increasingly essential to how the Web works, but unfortunately, IE6 is still one of the two most-used browsers in the world (the other being IE7). Firefox is growing rapidly in popularity; Safari is ubiquitous among Mac users; and the Web is increasingly experienced via mobile devices, but for now, IE is still king of the hill, and a large percentage of IE users can’t, won’t, or don’t even realize they can upgrade beyond version 6.

IE6 can be taught new tricks, however, and that’s the purpose of IE7.js. It’s a JavaScript library that “teaches” IE6 to behave more like IE7, fixing some common and infuriating CSS bugs, adding support for alpha channel transparency in PNG images, and various other “magic” that pretty much all just takes place seamlessly, behind the scenes. Just call this library and let it do its stuff.

SWFObject

If you’re using Flash at all, it’s helpful to bring along SWFObject, another JavaScript library whose sole function is to relieve the attendant headaches of working with <object> and <embed> tags and the suckitude of Internet Explorer browser inconsistencies.

sIFR

In the past, whenever web designers needed text to appear in custom fonts (that is, any fonts that are not already installed on the user’s computer), there was only one option: make an image out of it. Maintenance nightmare. Enter sIFR, a JavaScript-and-Flash-based solution. You’ll still need a copy of Adobe Flash (the full application, not the browser plug-in) to make it work, but the end result is your font encapsulated in a SWF file, and some very clean JavaScript that seamlessly swaps your custom font in place of regular, plain vanilla HTML, and degrades gracefully to a standard font if the user is lacking either JavaScript or the Flash plug-in. And it’s fully semantic and validating.

The only downside of sIFR is that finding the latest version is a bit of a mess. But here’s a good place to start.

TinyMCE

And finally we come to TinyMCE. At last we have a decent solution to the dilemma of allowing users who probably don’t know HTML to enter styled content on your site. It’s not without problems, especially where pasting from Microsoft Word is involved, but TinyMCE is a great WYSIWYG solution, a word processor in a browser window.

They’re long gone, but the olfactory memory remains

Ceci n’est pas un Tart ‘n’ TinyToday as I washed my hands in the office bathroom, I noticed that the building has changed the soap in the dispensers. The old soap was basically unscented (although it did take on an unpleasant rusty smell from the dispenser itself), whereas the new soap has a strangely familiar, slightly fruity scent.

I knew immediately that it was the smell of something I ate a lot of as a kid back in the ’80s. My first thought was that it was Pac-Man cereal, but I knew that wasn’t right. So as I walked back to my desk, I sniffed my hands, straining my brain to identify the scent. And then it hit me. I couldn’t remember what they were called, but I distinctly saw a long-gone Wonka brand candy. I described it to my coworkers as having “a sour taste and chalky texture similar to SweeTarts, and they came in a little box similar to Nerds, but they were tiny cylinders.”

So naturally I found my answer by googling “candy sweet tarts tiny cylinders,” which, equally naturally, led me to Wikipedia, and the answer: Tart ‘n’ Tinys. And then to the disappointing reminder that sometime in the ’90s, Wonka reinvented Tart ‘n’ Tinys with a disgusting Spree-like coating. What’s the point? The candy that I remember is no more. I can’t even find a picture online of what they originally looked like. All I have left is the lingering scent of questionable hand soap and the vivid memory of my tongue turning raw from sucking on 20 or 30 tiny, pointy, chalky cylinders at a time.